Posts

shadows
cool
dark
aloof
comforting
reducing objects to simple shapes
flowers fences and people
just a plain flat shape
no complications, easy
shadows are not harmed by being stomped upon
they remain the same ambiguous shape
most visible upon sunshiny days
the yin to the suns yang
balance
the sun is hiding this morning
my shadows are gone
my many forms
I walk along the sidewalk
my own shadows merge
I am the flowers
I am the leaves
I am the fence
I am the pole
I am the sign
I am the person

negative -
1. the situation with the girl is still in serious limbo
2. both are being such stubborn bitches
3. anxiety attacks are happening
4. I bruised my heel doing something stupid today, I was perching myself on a large rock waiting for the girl to come out of class so we could go have lunch, I slipped and smacked heel on rock trying not to fall all the way off.
5. I have a feeling that the girl I fired from the photography gig for SIL's wedding is in my photography class, Wednesday might be awkward

positive +
1. the sun is shining and it is warm and beautiful outside
2. after this weekend the wedding will be over
3. I have class tomorrow and get to see friend in class there, see what she has been up to
4. husband and I went for a nice early morning bike ride on Sunday
5. I took bunches of really nice portraits of the girl while she was here yesterday, she will be back here in about an hour. I need to get housework done. she kind of breaks up my day weird
6. I lost another pound of flubber
7. I am craving nasty food less and less
9. I feel like I have pulled myself out of my heavy mood, I am feeling much lighter and I know after the wedding I will feel Bunches lighter still
10. My sister had her gall bladder removed on friday and all went well, but I am unsure of how to spell gall, or is it gull, that is the bird right? Well she did not have a bird removed from her. You get it right?
11. I have kept the rooms that I cleaned last week clean, for the most part.

I have been feeling better day by day. I know I just need to pull myself out of commission for a bit. But the Wedding, I have bunches planned for that, I mean you only get married once Right? I want this day to be special for SIL. My day was for me. I am just trying to make sure she has that same experience too. She deserves that. ;-) So there is that, I am a little worried about it, but mostly a joyful job. I don't really mind trying to give her the best.    
but... there is more...
I am kind of sucked back into the strange world of the other SIL and her teen aged daughter. You see, my SIL kicked her out to live with her father. A father who has not really spoke to her for the last 7 years even though he lives in the same town. So she left her fathers place due to problems with step mother and step sibling. SIL still will not let her back. So teen aged niece is kind of homeless. She is crashing here for a night or two, she has summer school during the day. sigh...
Yesterday she told me that she will be here at 12:30 because that is when class is over, but she called this morning to tell me she will not be here until 4:30 because of a certain class that has popped up. Um... she has Never been very good at lying. She is probably not even at school today, but you know what?
Not my responsibility. Her parents are dropping the ball with her, it is not my job to do it for them. She needs a place to sleep and food to eat, fine. But if she fails to show up for these, I will not worry myself sick. She is not my responsibility.

For some these words may seem cold. For others you will be proud of me for not making it my job. I am proud of me for not stressing out about all this. They are making their own choices, they are wrong ones, but not my job to fix. I am Growing! ;-) Yay! Haha! I am just worried about getting too close, I am worried about getting sucked into the drama. I am trying really hard to not give away all of my rescorces and not having enough for me and my own husband. I feel stronger this time, but I also feel the pull of the undertow.